A lone girl with a roll pack

(Written By Asha) 

                  
This is an incident that happened to me which I would like to share with all of you. At least a few among you will be able to relate this to yourself for sure!

 I was travelling from Kollam to Shoranur in train, in fact returning home after a whole semester of frustrations, disappointments, pressure and the last jury day,that I screwed up. I stared at my roll pack stuffed with old sheets n sighed! 

My mind,my inner peace,everything was damaged to a great extent and moreover I was traveling alone. Six hours of pure joblessness.

 I have been thinking about writing an article since a few days . And so I kept myself busy. The only topics that came into my mind was my life, studies, insecurities, depressions and related crap.

 But eventually I quit thinking about it concluding that I haven’t got much to say,  differently  from what my fellow mates did. So my mode gradually shifted back from busy to joblessness again.

Well, when you are not really doing anything except staring at people and out of the window, obviously  your mind would be wandering and mine also took me places. I was thinking about everything and anything. My mind was saturated with thinking about useless stuff and I just wanted to clear everything off.

 So I started texting people, checking my newsfeeds and browsing random stuff just to keep my brain engaged.

 I was starting to feel better but then this post came out of the blue-“the ten most infamous murder cases that India ever witnessed”. Out of curiosity I followed the link and started reading. It contained 5-6 sentences about each case starting from 19^th century to the present. And four out of the ten were rape cases. All faced by lone, vulnerable women. 

Reading this dragged me back to hell. I was really disturbed and it completely  killed my partially dead, frustrated mind. I switched off my phone and continued staring out of the window. That did not actually help though. I kept thinking about the article that I read. Could not even enjoy the pleasant climate.

On top of everything there was this middle aged “uncle” who came and sat opposite to me discussing about all the problems that India is facing, with the sisters who sat near me. 

Obviously the topics  included rape cases. I felt like jumping out of the train and then may be escape to the outer space. I could not take it any longer…but by then the train reached Shoranur junction. I thanked Indian railway and stormed out of the station.

I boarded the Ottapalam bus and reached there by 7pm.My parents could not come to pick me up as my sister was in hospital.

I looked around. The bus stand was less crowded and all I could see was middle aged men with lighted cigarette in their hand and crooked-weird look on their face. 

I somehow managed to make my way through them and spotted a bus that would take me from Ottapalam to Thiruvilwamala. I enquired about the scheduled time by which the bus will reach my place to the driver, informed the same to my parents and sat down on the very first seat without even looking around.

I placed my roll pack in the space left out in my seat so as to confirm that no one would sit near me, more like a shield of protection…!

I figured out that there are at least one or two women in the bus from the distant murmuring voices. And eventually, the bus started. Again an hour of joblessness. My mind returned to the same old pastime. The only difference being that now it is now just a solid topic-lone women. I kept thinking about all the cases against women, even the ones I have vague ideas about just came into my mind.

After a few halts, I could not hear any female voices from behind me. I dared not to look back and check.

The constant thinking made me remember my own experience. This happened while I was studying in school, in 12^th.I was travelling in a private bus, from my home to school and had to kick this guy who tried to harass me. I slapped him left and right at last making the co-passengers hold me back. 

An old woman actually exclaimed-‘stop beating him!’. That was a pleasant experience now when I think about it. If I had not reacted that way, it would have been a lingering trauma in my entire lifetime. Recalling the incident I tried to sooth myself reminding me how brave I was then and that I have not lost a bit of that courage.

The bus  continued its journey through the deserted road with less number of street lights and lesser number of passengers- not even a single woman-alarmingly increasing my fear and heartbeat. I could hear giggles, and comments from behind  and I felt as though they were talking about me. Again I was afraid to look back. By this time, my heart beat skyrocketed.

Suddenly, from nowhere, a man placed his hand in my shoulder. I felt a cold wave of terror all throughout my body. I froze. In a fraction of second, I thought about all escape routes that I can take. 

the first one being beating up all of them with my roll pack(I recalled people calling it missile/AK-47 each time I carry it around, while traveling in train. Well, if people can think of it like that it can sure act like one!) or if it is a worse scenario- jumping out from the bus, well. that would kill me.

Then with all my courage, I turned back.

To my amusement, I saw this old man, with a teeth less smile holding my roll pack,(yes the shield of protection :D),and asking me-“ethu kuttydya?” ( “is it urs?”) in the very native Trissur slang. Trust me that is the most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my entire life, or I felt so.

 I could see all these doubts in his eyes, like-what is the thing that he is holding! He didn’t ask any though. I guess the roll-pack had fallen down from my seat to the backside and he picked it up for me.

By this time I was about to reach my place. I thanked him and got down.

The three things that I could conclude from this incident is-

1)The world ain’t all that bad as we think it is. There is still a considerable amount of humanity left in this world.

Keep looking for that ray of sunshine among the dark clouds, it is there somewhere for sure!

2)Whenever  you are alone or in a vulnerable state, believe in yourself. Sometimes, you are the only one who can stop you from being dragged into hell.

3) Whenever you feel that nothing is happening the way it is supposed to be, never loose hope. Hopes, aspirations and beliefs are the reasons why earth is still not vacant, it makes man live!

Would the bus ride have been this scary if I had ‘not read the article? stirring up all my old and new memories?

I wondered, as I walked towards my house.